Bitter or Better

Dealing with Bitter Thoughts

We have struggled with bitter thoughts at one time or another. Bitter thoughts are a cancer. They slowly eat away at you. One girl I was counseling wrote this poem and she gave me permission to share it. She was faced with the reality of sin in her life. This poem is a great picture of the bitter thoughts I too have battled.

Orphaned

What do You want from me?
I'm kind of busy here being free.
You say You miss me.
Well then why did You leave?
I needed You and You weren't there.
I thought You always said that You cared.
I lived for You ever since I was young.
Well, I've decided that part of my life is done.
I tried to find You for four years.
Did You ever see any of my tears?
I needed You. I thought You knew.
I'm having a hard time believing Your promises are true.
You let me down when it counted the most.
Where were the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost?
It wasn't right for You to turn my world upside down
And then when I went to look, You were nowhere to be found.
I used to go to church and sing the songs,
But I haven't heard from You in so long.
Do I have to be bad to get noticed?
If so, then religion is hopeless.
You're supposed to be there for mankind.
Then why are You so hard to find?
"I never took the time to stop and realize
That death takes many forms, even while alive..."

We all find ourselves in this place eventually. “Lord, where are you?! Where did you go?!” We are frustrated and discouraged. We feel worn out, beaten and abandoned. The cost of sin is high. “That death takes many forms, even while alive…” This is the plan of the enemy: to kill, steal and destroy. There are people dying all over the world: secretly dying on the inside. They have lost the fight battling in their own mind. Bitter thoughts and toxic tears throttle their thoughts and life.
The question is Bitter or Better?

When the world crashes down around you, you have a choice. Do you want to choose to be bitter or better? I have found a lot of people when presented with the option actually choose bitter. They say, “Well, you just don’t understand. I do not have it as good as you have it.”

It is not about me. Again I ask...Do you want to get bitter or better? The truth is...we will all have difficult times in our lives. No one can escape that. What we can control is the way we deal with these painful moments.

Bitter thoughts are easy to swallow, but they are toxic to the soul. How do we move from bitter thoughts to better thoughts? I often meet with people for counseling. I spend the first session listening to the horrible things that have happened to them. These people will recall things from their childhood. These things are as fresh in their mind today as they were when the incident happened. They have been caught in the trap of bitterness. They have never found their way clear.

I coached for a number of years at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado. At the Olympic Training Center the best athletes in the world surrounded you. I loved to sit and talk and hear their stories. Almost every one of them could tell you how they overcame incredible odds to become the best in their sport. I coached the United States National Wrestling Team. One of the athletes I coached was named Brian. He was consistently in the top six in the nation at the heavy weight category.

Brian was given up for adoption at the age of two. His parents thought that he was mentally retarded. They came to the conclusion that raising a child with this disability would too difficult for them. One year later, doctors found out that he was deaf. Brian wasn’t retarded at all. The doctors did some corrective surgery and Brian could hear just fine. At four, a family adopted him. They adopted him because when they heard his story they felt sorry for him. Over the next seven years he was told on a regular basis that they were now sorry they ever adopted him. They told him that they did not love him. He was verbally and physically abused. One day, eleven year old Brian, was called in to the principal’s office. The principal informed him that he would not be going home to his adoptive family ever again. His dad had called the police that morning and told them if Brian came home he was going to kill Brian. His dad continued by saying then he would kill his wife, and then he would take his own life.

Brian was placed into foster care where he lived in 28 different foster homes, four adoptive to be homes and 2 group homes in five years. He bounced from home to home, school to school and was not given much of a chance to succeed. If any one could have bitter thoughts it was Brian. He could have swum in toxic tears and everyone would have understood. It wasn’t Brian’s fault. He was a victim from a very young age.

Brian graduated from high school and he was the state high school wrestling champion. He went on to graduate from Junior College as the National Junior College Champion. He went from there on scholarship to a University where he graduated in a degree in social work. He has heart to help kids that are going through what he went through.

I had worked with Brian for a couple years before I even heard about his story. He did not fill his days wading in toxic tears. I was shocked when he told me about his past. Brian said two things that are have really stuck with me. He said, “Dan, I had a terrible past that is true, but I would not change a thing about it. My past made me who I am today and I like me!” Then he said, “Yes it’s true I horrible things happen to me, but why would I dwell on the past when I have a great future!”

Brian had managed to move from the allure of bitter thoughts to the healing that comes from better thoughts. Where is your focus? What are the things you think about? What are the memories you have from the past? Do you dwell on the good things or the negative things? How do you feel about yourself? And most important, DO YOU want to find healing?

Before we can move on to healing we have to know from whom the healing comes. People do not usually come into counseling until they are at the end of their rope. Everything is falling down and apart. They walk into my office and they are ready to explode. At the end of the first session I conclude by asking them, tell me about where you are with God? I hear time and time again, “I believe there is a God.” Believing that there is a God and knowing God are two entirely different things. God’s desire is to intimately know you. God wants you to know where the healing you are receiving is coming from.

My prayer for people is that they might receive healing that is complete. Problems will come and go. We can begin to solve the issue that they may be struggling with and never deal with the eternal problem. Without dealing with the eternity that God has placed their heart they will never truly find the freedom they desire. They will bounce from one problem to another. This will get fixed and then something else will get broke. There is a desire in all of us that can only be met through placing our hope and trust in Jesus. I want to see people recognize who they are in relation to the Creator who died with a broken heart for their love. I want them to know the One that heals completely.

Have you put your hope and trust in Jesus?

When we receive Christ, we become His Bride, His Beloved. As His Bride, we can then draw close to Him. Jesus will never divorce Himself from us. His love is eternal. During one of our services one of our worship team members showed me some words that He felt the Lord wanted us to hear. This is God calling out to us to draw near to Him he titled it, “My Beloved.”

My Beloved

Come close to me, Beloved
Recline against my chest
Rest in your salvation
My joy has made you clean
Don’t worry about the next day
It will worry on it’s own
Every mystery, every unknown path
Will be revealed to you, my Beloved

Just wait and see, the best is yet to come
Just wait and see, my goodness will be added unto you

My strength is your strength
My hope is your hope
My joy is your joy
My faith is your faith
My peace is your peace
My love is your love

What the Father has given me, I give to you
My Spirit is your Spirit

Come close to me, Beloved
Come close to me.

God is calling out to us. We read His words in Psalm 38:4. God says, “Taste and see that I am good!” Jesus died on the cross shedding His blood, so that we could once again taste and see that God is good. Only Jesus satisfies.

Bitter thoughts often clog our ears to hear God calling out to us. Breaking the cycle of bitter thoughts takes time and training. I have found two things that worked well for me. When the enemy tries to get me thinking wrong thoughts, I stop and say to myself, “God has healed me of this! I am healed.” If the thoughts keep persisting I say an alphabet prayer. I start with the letter A. I think of all the things that begin with the letter A that describe God. I pray, “Lord you are Awesome, Amazing, Absolute, Able…” Then I move on to the letter B…“Lord you are…Beautiful, Blessed …” I continue through the alphabet. As I begin to lift up the name of the Lord, I begin to be lifted up. In stead of letting bitter thoughts enter my mind, I focus on the Lord and His goodness. I turn a time of depression into worship. This does not come naturally. I have to discipline myself to do this. Most times I do not feel like worship. I feel angry. I feel mad. I feel depressed. I feel hurt. This is a disciplined exercise. Lord I feel horrible, but I am not going to fix my eyes on my hurt. I am going to fix my eyes on you. No matter how I feel, “You are worthy of my worship.” By the time I am done, I begin to feel better. And my ears are open to receive what God wants to speak to me.

God is good from A to Z.

Cave Dwellers

1 Samuel 22:1-2.

“David departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam; and when his brothers and all his father's house heard it, they went down there to him. And every one who was in distress, and every one who was in debt, and every one, who was discontented, gathered to him; and he became captain over them. And there were with him about four hundred men.”

These 400 cave dwellers became the mightiest men in Israel’s history. While at first they joined David in the cave wounded, hurt, abandoned and rejected, they left with a whole new perspective. David and his mighty men found training and discipline inside. The process was difficult, and often lonely. But God raised them up to unite the whole nation of Israel, and to become a world power in military and trade. Only God can take a place that is cold, dark and damp and turn it into a sanctuary, a cave of healing. Only God can take a wounded soul and make it beautiful.

Several years ago, God told me He was going to restore my innocence. He also said that I was going to grow in my relationship and intimacy with Him. But in order for that to happen, I needed to step inside the cave. This is the training for those that want to step into the cave of healing. It is for those that have experienced hurt. It is for those that have been abandoned, rejected and abused. God has an awesome plan for you. He wants to heal you. I believe that He is good and faithful and will do what He says.
Dynamic Tension in the “Faith Factor”

It is important before we jump in to remember WHO does the healing. God heals. It is HIS heart. It is HIS plan. You simply need to believe and receive His Word. But you may be saying to yourself, “I want to believe, but I am struggling here! I have tried so many times before and I have continued to fail. God, where are you?” In my personal experience, I have found that the harder I try to overcome, the harder I seem to fall. This has caused me to feel more ashamed and discouraged. When I try, I fail. It makes me want to throw my hands up and scream, “I give up!” The truth is, it’s okay to be in that place. It’s a good starting point. For me, it’s the realization that I need to place my faith in something or someone greater than myself. That someone is GOD. God is calling you into the darkness of your cave with a solution. He confidently declares, “I AM the way, the truth, and the life. You can trust me. There is no other way to be healed. Come to me. Place your faith in me.”

I call this the “Faith Factor”. As you walk through this process, keep bringing yourself back to a place of faith. Say this to yourself right now…

“On my own, I have never been able to overcome.
God is the Overcomer! I am not!
But with Him, I will overcome!”

I asked a group of leaders an important question, “Where does God place His faith?” Someone immediately answered, “In us?” That belief can have a devastating effect on us. It can also devastate God. I alone would have driven Him to a faithless state. But God places His faith in the same place He wants us to place ours; in Himself. He alone is trustworthy. Everyone and everything else will let you down.

God places His faith in Himself. He demonstrated that faith, by becoming one of us. He became flesh through His Son, Jesus. The Bible says that Jesus could do nothing apart from God. Jesus placed His life completely in God’s Hands, even unto the point of death. Therefore, God’s faith was solely upon Himself. It is mind boggling to understand, but critical to grasp a hold of.

The Old Testament shows us what happens when people try to impress God with their own ability. Their attempts were always a complete failure. The same is true for us today. We will always fall short. But the New Testament gives us the complete picture of God’s plan. When God looks at us, He sees Jesus. It is through faith in His Son that His plan can be fulfilled in our lives. It is only through Jesus that we are healed.

Say this to yourself OUT LOUD!

My faith is placed where God places His faith.
You see, on my own I can’t do what is right!
On my own I can’t fix what is wrong!
On my own I can’t find what is missing!
I need to depend on God and God alone!
I place my faith in His Hands.
God places His faith in His own Hands.
What He has spoken – comes about.
It is His job, I allow Him to do what He says He will do.
I don’t work harder or try harder. I depend on Him!
When I am struggling – I depend on Him.
When I have messed up - I depend on Him.
My faith doesn’t measure up, but His faith in me moves mountains.
Amen, Amen and Amen!